standing at the back in my sissy robe

June 30, 2009

The Dangers of Cheap Laffs

Filed under: D'oh,Diversions — Tamarind @ 11:15 am

So this, post was going to be based on a “if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em” theme.  It was going to consist of precisely one joke, which I shall make now to get it out of the way because the deluge of trouble caused by the joke is actually far more amusing than the joke itself.

Here is the joke.

My WoWcock: let me show you it:

WoWcock

Yeah, I warned you it was cheap.  But it was going to have more of a build up, which would have made all the difference, I promise.  I was going to be all “admire the sleek and mighty beast that is my WoWcock.  Ta-daaaa!”

But, anyway, in order to facilitate this cheap joke, I took a lot of WoW screenshots last night.  My laptop was bought on the assumption of travel and libraries and Great Works of Genius, rather than obsessive MMORPG playing (yeah, who was I fooling) , so my screenshots always look like shite anyway.    But if you’re going to do a job – even if that job is taking pictures of a chicken in WoW – you should do it right.  I emailed the best of them from myself to myself, from the gmail account I use for the majority of my blogging to my actual grown up, I am a real person affiliated to an organisation email address.  So that, this morning, instead of doing any of the things I ought to be doing, I could instead wax eloquent about my WoWcock and post pictures of it on the Internet.

I don’t know in what world, at what late hour of the night, this seemed like even a remotely good plan.

Seriously, what is wrong with me?!

To partially account for my own rampant idiocy, I should emphasise that I’m not connected to the Ministry of Peace from 1984, or anything, so internet traffic and email is not what you’d called stringently monitored.

However.

If you email yourself about 20 large-ish JPEGs, all of which are called some variation on “wowcock”, (wowcock 1, wockcock2, wockcockagain, yetmorewowcock) it is liable to hit a few switches and cause even if the most lax and open minded of computer officers to raise a concerned brow.

I had a slightly awkward meeting this morning in which I found myself trying to explain firstly that I hadn’t been either virused or hacked and secondly why I was apparently trying to filter vast amounts of porn through the email system a world-leading university.

Or rather, that I was not.

“Oh no,” quoth I, “most assuredly, it’s not porn.  I wouldn’t do that.  I’m not that stupid.  I mean, err, I’m not into that.”

“Oh yes?” returned they, with a ‘pull the other one, it’s got bells on’ kind of look.  “What is it then?”

“It’s, um, it’s  … lots of pictures of a chicken. From World of Warcraft, which is often abbreviated to WoW.  It’s not like I was trying to say “oh, wow, chicken!”  Or err, “oh wow, cock!”  I should probably have named them chicken, really, shouldn’t I?  And maybe sent myself them to in lesser quantities.  Or maybe not at all.  Can I go now?”

So they looked at my WoWcock and, lo, did it look small and inadequate under the harsh glare of the Mean Computer Officer Who Hates Me And Now Thinks I’m A Total Idiot.

Credibility rating = 0.

Maybe even into negative figures.

But, on the plus side, I am flush in pictures of what I am now thinking of as my oh wow cock.

Nerfed

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23 Comments »

  1. With this story and the epic struggle to bring your wowcock to me this morning for my inspection and enjoyment, I would posit that tis easily the most EPIC WOWCOCK EVER! Can I get enough of this wowcock? Heavens, no! My WOWovaries are in a WOWbind!

    That said, I’m delighted that you posted a comment on my blog today, as said comment has led me to your blog. I am an unreserved fan!

    Comment by Sylly — June 30, 2009 @ 12:37 pm | Reply

    • Thank you for appreciating my WoWcock. You are truly a connoisseur. Assuming it ever recovers from its misadventures today, I will certainly make an effort never to venture forth in WoW with it undisplayed for the edification and entertainment of the populace.

      I’ve been reading, and enjoying, your blog for a while now actually – I just haven’t commented (no idea why, actually, because I think some bloggers most go in fear of my merciless and inane ramblings 🙂 ).

      Comment by Tamarind — June 30, 2009 @ 2:20 pm | Reply

  2. To disprove Mr. Wilde:”It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information” Evidently he hadn’t used Google and Wikipedia in a while.

    Well of course not you say? Back then they had no interwebz? Quite correct otherwise Mr. Wilde would have recognised “John Gabriel’s Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penny_Arcade_(webcomic)#John_Gabriel.27s_Greater_Internet_Fuckwad_Theory
    Which results in Mr. Wilde’s comment “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”becoming TOTALLY meaningless and void.

    I leave you with just one more thought for the day and maybe this time Oscar was right
    (may I call you Oscar? Why yes, you may)
    “People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it’s impossible to count them accurately.”

    Comment by Salvànus@khadgar.eu — June 30, 2009 @ 1:08 pm | Reply

    • I am worried at the notion of multiple WoWcocks running absurdly around Shattrath… after all, to lose one WoWcock may be regarded as a misfortune, to lose several looks like carelessness.

      I think poor Oscar is turning in his grave right about now. I should stop butchering him in the name of WoW.

      Possibly, however, he was right on the button in The Truth About Masks – of course, if we do accept there is truth of the essential self in the mask provided by the internet we also have to accept the fact our essential selves are complete tards 🙂 Heal pls!

      (been on a Wilde bender, have you?)

      Comment by Tamarind — June 30, 2009 @ 2:31 pm | Reply

      • I know have metal scarring due to the picture you painted of Shattarath awash in WoWcocks, running willnilly, and then becoming lost. That’s quite painful. The loss of one’s WoWcock cannot be taken lightly.

        Oscar is Horde. He can deal with butchering 😀

        The Truth About Masks underlines the truth about our inner selves, no question about it. Consider small children no older than 3, how well they share and play together. Not. At. All.

        Well to be a civilized and educated Orc one MUST read Wilde 😀 Now where have I misplaced my monocle

        Comment by Salvànus@khadgar.eu — July 1, 2009 @ 7:55 am

  3. Every so often, meetings or events transpire you really wish were video (or at least audio) recorded. This meeting is one of them.

    As the WoWCock (or the OhWowCock, which makes me think of my trip to New Orleans for reasons I won’t go into), I’m with Syll. Most. Epic. WoWCock. Ever.

    Comment by Kahleena — June 30, 2009 @ 1:53 pm | Reply

    • The meeting itself went, as all unfortunate meetings involving me tend to go, with me babbling and making the situation worse, and doing /bashful repeatedly, in the hope my sheepish charm might count for something (it didn’t). I’m rather glad the meeting was not, in any way at all, recorded =P

      “or the OhWowCock, which makes me think of my trip to New Orleans for reasons I won’t go into”

      Do you really expect to be able to make comments like that and get away with it? =P

      Comment by Tamarind — June 30, 2009 @ 2:12 pm | Reply

      • “Do you really expect to be able to make comments like that and get away with it? =P”

        Imagine the most hilariously perverted story that could possibly be construed to involve the phrase.

        No, that’s not what actually happened, but it’s probably more entertaining that what actually happened, so let’s go with it.

        Comment by Kahleena — June 30, 2009 @ 10:56 pm

  4. I appreciate the erudite comments above, but my reaction was a little different: WowCock … lawl!

    Comment by Ecgric — June 30, 2009 @ 2:54 pm | Reply

    • Erudition on my blog?! I hear you can get antibiotics for that.

      Glad to have mused 🙂

      Actually I’ve just thought, Ecgric is venturing petless into the world! You should get him something, so he’s not such a lonely skeleton.

      Comment by Tamarind — July 1, 2009 @ 12:04 pm | Reply

      • I really should. I’ll have to find an appropriate pet. I guess I could go for a cockroach in UC. Heh. Then he could be MY Wowcock(roach). 😀

        Comment by Ecgric — July 1, 2009 @ 2:40 pm

  5. Look on the bright side: Though you didn’t get to do the fantastic build-up that you had originally planned for the post, I think the end result is far more valuable. That’s a story you will be able to tell friends for years, whereas the original post would have been funny at first, but quickly forgotten.

    I almost fell out of my seat laughing, as usual. I have to stop reading your blog at work; people are starting to wonder about the maniacal laughing that emanates from my cubicle each morning.

    Comment by Zaphind — June 30, 2009 @ 3:18 pm | Reply

    • Zaphind, I too suffer from this repressive behavior from my co-workers who I shall consider BLASPHEMERS until such time as the travel to the world of Azeroth 😀

      Maniacal Laffing at Tam’s well thought words FTW! This blog makes me day!

      Comment by Salvànus@khadgar.eu — July 1, 2009 @ 7:48 am | Reply

    • Indeed. My WoWcock is happily possessed of a silver lining. Ouch. I suppose I could have done the big build up AND the anecedote of my own stupidity but I think the latter would have eclipsed the former.

      I’m glad to have amused you – also if you work in a cubicle, it sounds like you need all the help you can get 😉

      Comment by Tamarind — July 1, 2009 @ 12:18 pm | Reply

  6. Wow(cock) that’s hilarious.

    I have yet to be accused of porn-trafficking at work. I’m so jealous right now.

    Comment by Misneach — June 30, 2009 @ 3:37 pm | Reply

    • Well, you’ll just have to try harder. With a little dedication, even the most upstanding citizen can get himself accused of porn-trafficking at work.

      Comment by Tamarind — July 1, 2009 @ 12:11 pm | Reply

  7. I’m sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but you are giving me permission to do so by posting it in such great detail.

    I’m also curious to see what keyword hits come your way with this post. xD

    Comment by Syrana — June 30, 2009 @ 5:08 pm | Reply

    • Don’t worry, laughter very much encouraged, and I’m glad to have amused. I was laughing at myself because it was such an absurd pickle to get myself into.

      I shall monitor my hits carefully – although they’re usually disappointing (sissy dress? It’s a ROBE, I tell you, a ROBE!)

      Comment by Tamarind — July 1, 2009 @ 12:11 pm | Reply

  8. […] at the Back in My Sissy Robe (a newish blog I’ve recently found and am reading) posted an epically hilarious (yet a smidge embarrassing) story of emailing screenshots to himself and having to explain to the […]

    Pingback by TLC Thursday: Pre-Holiday Reading Goodness - Sideshow & Syrana — July 2, 2009 @ 1:07 pm | Reply

  9. See, and now I’m in *my* office, laughing my ass off, and getting inter-office chat messages from my boss demanding an explanation as to what is so damned funny.

    Made my day. ^_^

    *adds to the reader*

    Comment by Pixelated Executioner — July 2, 2009 @ 10:03 pm | Reply

    • Thank you kindly – I’m glad my pain and mortification is good for something 😉

      The pixelated executioner is an excellent name for a blog – I’ll be reading 🙂

      Comment by Tamarind — July 4, 2009 @ 6:31 pm | Reply

  10. hahaha bad times!! I would have DIED if that had happened to me. DIED.

    oh well, it made for a great blog post =^_^=

    Comment by uke — July 4, 2009 @ 4:43 pm | Reply

  11. It’s either DIE or LAUGH, so I went with laugh. Also some other WoW players have come out of the closet as a result which is positive 🙂

    Comment by Tamarind — July 4, 2009 @ 6:28 pm | Reply


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