standing at the back in my sissy robe

June 10, 2009

my deathcow and me

Filed under: Altaholism,Bitchin 'n' Moanin,Deathtards & Co. — Tamarind @ 3:45 pm

I have insight. Gasp!

Not into healing (despite the nominal focus of this blog) but into Deathtardism.

You see, the other day I finally got round to rolling up a Deathtard of my very own, to love and hug and call it Aethelred.  It’s a cow deathtard, which helps me moderate my  self-loathing about the whole business, because the inherent cowly awesomeness of Taurens may in some way balance the inherent profound awfulness I have come to associate with DKs.  I think it’s partially my own fault because I didn’t start one immediately when WotLK came out and therefore spent a lot of time in Outland trying to keep absolute blithering morons alive in Ramps.

Anyway, I finally cracked and – in splendid isolation because everyone else in the world who wants one already has a Deathtard – ran through the introductory mission.  This was actually quite fun.  Right up until the point the game decides that you’re not playing WoW to run round, killing monsters and collecting their internal organs, but instead you’d like it to be some kind of massively multiplayer sitting around simulator.  I’m actually really into WoW Lore, but I like it because it’s optional. I don’t like being slapped in the face by the mighty Wowlore cock when I’m trying to play the damn game.  It didn’t help that I spent the oh-so-epic Battle For Light’s Hope sitting on the steps of the Chapel because my sword had broken in the preceding quests and the game was too epic to let me stop anywhere and get it fixed.  And there’s nothing that makes you feel like the irrelevant one among ten million you actually are than standing around whistling and typing /hug [Arthas] while Tirion Fordring bitch slaps the Lich King for you, and then yells heroically about TAKING THE FIGHT TO NORTHREND, when you know what you’re actually going to do is grind mining, chill out in Nagrand and spend an inordinate amount of time hanging around on LFG saying “LF Healer Ramps – last spot.”

But this is tangential bitching.

Let me return to the insight: the introductory DK quests actively teach you to play like a tard.  No wonder DKs are the new hunters.  All the quests are pitched to be slightly too easy, if you die you’re immediately rezzed anyway and if there’s even the remotest danger that you might hurt your little DK self the game sticks a ludicrous buff on you to make absolutely sure you stay safe and warm and healthy regardless.  Yes,  WoW turns into your Mum.

Furthermore, they encourage you to use your abilities thoughtlessly and mindlessly – there’s a quest where you have to slaughter a bunch of fleeing citizens by deathgripping them onto your sword.  It’s lots of fun but no wonder instances are full of deathgrip happy fuckwits.  Because you’re well-equipped and over-powered you can blunder through the whole quest line thinking you totally rock and without at any point having to think even remotely strategically about your skills and talents.  In short: actually being able to play the game is entirely optional.

And there’s also the fact the game showers you in the sort of things you usually have to put a modicum of effort into attaining – decent, cool-looking gear, an epic mount, etc. etc. I’m not implying that Young People Nowadays Should Have To Work For Their Privileges, but the overall effect is to create a persistent sense of undeserved AWESOME.

And then you take this tard army and  unleash them on the rest of the game world to wreak havoc and misery and despair wherever they go.

I certainly understand deathtardism more than I did a day or so ago (and I’ll freely admit I play my deathcow like a tard – there’s no reason not to, for the moment at least) but I don’t have to like it.

And you may be assured I do not like it.

Anglos Saxon Geekery Edit: I particularly like being called Aethelred because questgivers keep saying “You are ready, Aethelred” to me.  And, yes, I know Aethelred was actually Ill-Advised rather than Unready but it’s still funny to me.



  1. Troll DK > Tauren DK.

    That is all =)

    Comment by Beruthiel — June 10, 2009 @ 10:23 pm | Reply

    • Heresy! How dare you!

      Comment by Tamarind — June 10, 2009 @ 11:26 pm | Reply

    • When you run the starting areas as a Troll DK, does your dialogue get converted into Troll-speak: “Tell me what you know about de Crimson Dawn Mon!”

      Comment by Temitope — June 11, 2009 @ 3:19 pm | Reply

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