standing at the back in my sissy robe

May 26, 2009

always that guy

Filed under: Bitchin 'n' Moanin,Real Men Wear Purple — Tamarind @ 11:48 pm

I am hereby abandoning all pretence that I am ever going to say anything nice here.


You know what I hate?  You know what I really really hate?

I hate this guy.


Yes, you.  I hate you.  You have no idea of the sheer magnitude of my loathing for you.

Well, not literally this one guy.  (If this particular incarnation of him is you, I’m terribly sorry; it was the first picture I found)

But I hate this blood elf model.  He’s always a paladin and he’s always, unremittingly a douche.  He’ll be cocky and somewhere close to competent, which actually makes him even more annoying because he’ll be bossy as all hell, merciless in criticising others, and completely dogmatic in his approach to everything.  He’ll insist on leading because he’s The Tank (capitals please), but he won’t mark, or if he does it’ll be haphazard at best.  He’ll set a pace that’s slightly too fast for comfort and inevitably leaves behind the cloth-wearing DPS who is not quite as familiar with the instance as the rest of you, whinge through every mana break and never ever readycheck.  He will occasionally over-pull but not regularly enough that you can actually blame him for it.  He’ll always heal himself if his health touches 50%, completely screwing up your rotation (because heaven forefend you knew what you were goddamn doing) and he won’t hesitate to Blessing of Protection himself if the going gets tough.  Fucker.  And, despite everything, he’ll survive every single fight, usually at the cost of the rest of you.

I’ve instanced with this guy so many times it makes me want to vomit.

And it’s always the same blood elf, the one with the short spiky hair cut.  The closeted frat boy look.  And you know why?  It’s because the player wants to be Horde, wants to be a paladin but is terrified of playing a blood elf and looking – zomg – even the slightest bit gay in case, y’know, people think he is gay.  Never mind that his chosen avatar, with his gelled up hair, looks like a stereotypical discobunny gayboy who’d be shirtless and sweating on the dance floor to YMCA before you could say penis.  In the defective worldview of this insecure, brainless dickwad, long hair = effeminacy and effeminacy = gay.  Never mind that I can’t remember the last time I saw a gay man with long hair.  It’s almost exclusively the purview of the sexually ambiguous and straight guys who want to shag goth girls.

His entire play style is structured around the gnawing anxiety that he might look a little bit gay.  It’d be tragic if it wasn’t so annoying.  But anything that smacks of not being totally macho (by which I mean playing in a sensible, considerate manner) is relegated to the unspeakable gay space of wussiness and effeminacy.

So marking is gay.

Not pulling massive amounts of mobs is gay.

Taking a mana break is gay.

Waiting for everybody to actually be ready before you attack is gay

Possibly the paladin is gay and needs to deal with it outside of instancing.



  1. Personally if I play horde I always play blood elf chicks because they are hot and it proves my manliness that I want to look at a hot chick instead of a dude.

    On a random tangent (yeah, I’m bored at work today) I’ve always wondered what it is with the tank being made party leader. As a tank I actually would be much happier with somebody else marking up mobs and me just killing what they tell me to. Why is it that I join a group and immediately find myself leader? Somebody is saying “Set it to heroic” and I’m waiting for the leader to say they’ve done it before noticing I got made party leader at some point…

    I’m wondering if its because nobody else actually has a clue about the dungeon contents but they assume the tank will have done his research and know the kill order… With experience I’m sure they would but when I am saying its my first time in an instance why make me leader? is there any sense in that?

    Admittedly I overgear heroics hugely at the moment as do all my guildies so usually I just ignore it and run in and beat on things for a while and then just let people go crazy and use taunt if I do lose anything (with the Thunderclap and shockwave going on its actually quite hard to overagro me though once I’m started).

    I should probably start abusing my power at some point. Set master looter to prevent loot ninjaing. Or to do it myself. Its just always weird…

    Oh, and thinking abotu it if you really want to rant lots then you might be interested in . There is some of it just whining but there are some funny posts and some excellent rants in there. 🙂

    Comment by Kester (of Agrammar) — May 27, 2009 @ 11:02 am | Reply

    • Dude, wanting to look at hot chicks is totally ga-oh wait.

      Yeah, I never quite got why tanks generally want to lead, or it is assumed that they should be leading. I mean, when I’ve tanked I’ve found it quite difficult to know what’s going on across the battlefield as a whole; I’m concentrating on keeping aggro and getting hit in the face. When my Pocket Tank and I run instances with friends or, occasionally, with PUGs I usually lead from the back – but then only if I know the instance well and am confident I can think about the battle and heal effectively at the same time. Ideally I reckon it should be one of those DPS guys – they don’t have much to do 😉

      I suppose since the tank does the pull people assume it makes sense for the tank to set the pace. But actually you do that just as easily with a quick “everybody ready? Okay … go.” Or words to that effect.

      Thanks for the link – I wiled away an embarrassing portion of time reading through the posts there.

      Comment by Tamarind — May 27, 2009 @ 9:04 pm | Reply

  2. Word on the “why does the tank have to lead” thing. I recently went over to full time DPSing in PuGs precisely because I hate leading with a firey passion.

    As far as I can tell, tanks wind up leading because unless the other players are *complete* morons they actually can’t ignore you – you’re the one pulling after all (although I have heard dickhead hunters on WoWinsider say that if things are going “too slowly” that they’ll just pull and misdirect).

    Comment by Temitope — May 27, 2009 @ 11:46 am | Reply

    • Ah … hunters in being complete morons shocker.

      Comment by Tamarind — May 27, 2009 @ 9:06 pm | Reply

  3. Yes – THAT SAME GUY is one of the main reasons why I am almost exclusively a solo wanderer.

    (That and the fact that my social skills are heavily specced for Snarking, leaving Shutting Up and Being Nice at 0, obviously.)

    Comment by Claire — May 27, 2009 @ 11:49 am | Reply

  4. You might want to reconsider your spec. Snarking was, like, totally nerfed in 3.12.

    Comment by Temitope — May 27, 2009 @ 1:22 pm | Reply

    • Shutting Up isn’t quite what it used to be any more either. It’s hard to get the crits.

      Comment by Tamarind — May 27, 2009 @ 9:07 pm | Reply

  5. […] are so entirely superficial they hardly merit the label ‘preferences’.  There is, of course, That Guy but he’s another […]

    Pingback by posts that made me go hmmmmm « standing at the back in my sissy robe — June 12, 2009 @ 12:09 pm | Reply

  6. […] (and this is one of the rare situations in which That Guy simply won’t do – if your tank is That Guy, get rid of him, his borderline ability to play the game will unbalance the whole enterprise) is […]

    Pingback by Patent Pending 100% Original, Fresh off the Cheese Press Guide to Healing UK « standing at the back in my sissy robe — June 17, 2009 @ 10:59 am | Reply

  7. I will admit to having a blood elf with this particular butch inclination in his appearance (he’s a warlock, though). Like a straight guy who plays female characters that are “hot”, I figure if I had to shag a blood elf, this is the look I’d go for (although honestly I’d much rather hook up with a tauren or a draenei).

    Comment by Garinow — July 17, 2009 @ 7:07 pm | Reply

    • Gah! You! You! So *you’re* That Guy! Shameful! Actually I think being That Guy and a Warlock probably cancels the negative associations a little – he’s at his worst when in his paladin inclination, so I suppose I’ll forgive you.

      Unfortunately he annoys me so much on principle that I can’t find him attractive in the slightest.

      I wouldn’t, y’know, *turn down* a blood elf but there’s something about them that suggests to me that they’d be crap in bed. I think like all people who are convinced of their own beauty they wouldn’t want to put the work in and so you’d be labouring away and they’d be looking dreamily over your shoulder at their own reflection…

      Comment by Tamarind — July 17, 2009 @ 8:54 pm | Reply

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